Do You Remember Me?

Do You Remember Me?

In this moment, as usual I still breathe fresh air, enjoy the quiet sounds in the peaceful morning, and feel the coldness of the air that makes the body stiff all over. In this peace, the eyes are very hard to open. Not that I do not want to, but these eyes and brains are too tired and can not be controlled. Slowly I tried to wake my eyes and look for a source of sound that woke me up so early this morning. Oh, apparently Mom woke me up.

Not yet fully particles of consciousness, I have to get out of bed and go to the bathroom. My head was dizzy, a little staggering as I set foot. Just like a person who was cool to enjoy life then overwritten an annoying problem.

I started taking a dipper, scooping up water and splashing it on me. While groping my mind, I try to remember what feelings stuck in my heart. I continued to scoop up the water while thinking. Shit, stupid me! It turned out last night I had not had time to pack things for my needs this morning. My feelings are chaotic remember the fool of myself who forgot about this morning's plans. Immediately I finished this dull bathing routine, headed to my room, dressed, and was ready to listen to Mom's nagging about the suitcase and the stuff.

"Your bag and trunk are in the car Hurry off, Nathan! 30 minutes of your plane take off!" The voice jolted me.

A great relief despite being enveloped in the annoyance of Mom who always rushes me. Mom last night had apparently packed up my things to take away for the next few years.

"Mom did not come with me?" I asked sadly.

"No, Mom will not cry to see you go," Mom replied with tears in her eyes.

In my heart, my feelings are very chaotic, very sad. I'll lose Mom for the next few years. Mother's teary eyes then slowly burst into tears. I wipe my tears and kiss her cheeks and forehead. I want to end this sad moment of farewell.

"Be careful, take good care of yourself, do not be stubborn! Nathan has to concentrate on studying there, "my mother advised me.

"Yeah, Mom. Goodbye. Be careful at home, Mom, "I say happily as if I am a strong and sincere person when I have to leave a loved one like Mom.

I came to Europe. England, where people are studying. I look around me, people sit quietly and quiet while holding a pile of books on the bus. Unlike the Indonesian people who day-to-day in the bus, instead of reading-read books to fill the spare time, but even chat this. Here they were preoccupied with his book, busy mumbling somehow what he read and from time to time they handed him a friend to ask him something.

As I watched the people around me, suddenly a woman of my age headed toward me sitting down.

"May I sit here?" The woman asked me.

"Oh yes, sure," I replied with a nervous feeling for the first time I met the man who invited me to speak in the Land of the King.

"Thank you," the woman said simply.

"Are you from Indonesia?" I asked with shining eyes.

The woman nodded.

I'm so glad to know she's from Indonesia. At least I'm not too lonely here. The bus has stopped at the usual place. Shit! I have to get off. How about this, I have not had time to ask her name. Keep this plan to know her.

Day after day I just passed. My daily activities are nothing special. Always monotonous. I wanted to leave this alienation. There was once a rebellious intention to Mom that I should be back to my home country. But I also can not bear to see my mother disappointed. Mom really hopes that I'm doing well here. Slowly once spinning, my space is getting narrower and narrower. If it was not a notebook that would be my friend. That's all that fills my days.

"Nathan!" The voice was in the middle of my reverie.

My steps stopped. I started to look for the mysterious sound source.

"Nathan!"

The voice was getting closer to my ears. Almost a month passed, only this time I heard someone call my name. I started desperately searching for the sound source. Maybe it's just my illusion or it's certainly not Nathan myself, but someone else.

I continued walking. Suddenly someone tapped me on the shoulder. I jerked and turned away. Apparently she was the woman I had met on the bus a few days ago.

"Hey, you! Where can you know my name?" I asked in surprise.

"I saw your picture and your name on the board there," she said, pointing at the board.

Really, my feelings are very happy. This time I had to meet her. There can be nothing to undo this introduction.

"What is your name?" Yesterday we have not had time to get acquainted, "I asked as she took his hand.

"My name is Nadine."

I looked at his face. Apparently pretty too herself. I was fascinated by her innate, gentle manner of speech. I feel the warmth and blood flow in the palm of my hand. Very different and interesting to me.

"Hey!"

He interrupted my thoughts. And I realized that I was still shaking his hand. Being a little awkward to me.

Now day after day I spent with Nadine. The second year we have passed. We work together, watch movies together, eat together, go to explore this country together. I've done a lot of activities with her. This attachment is getting stronger.

November has passed. Now, at the end of this new moon came a special day for Nadine.

I found a letter at the door. The letter was adorned with red ribbons. I opened the folds to the white letter fold with the light blue ink streak. 'Nathan, you do not forget right? Tomorrow at seven o'clock at the London Eye park. '

I smiled broadly reading the contents of the letter. This must be from Nadine. Tomorrow night will be a special night for me. Celebrating a birthday party with Nadine. It's been a few days I did not meet with her because of the demands of the task given my lecturer. Tomorrow night I will make it as a moment to release the longing with her.

This doll gift I choose to give to Nadine. She loved the teddy bear and light blue. The dolls I give were neatly wrapped in transparent blue plastic adorned with small red ribbons.

His wide smile greeted my gift doll. Nadine opened the ribbon and plastic slowly as if she was not going to make the dolls wrap or tear at all.

Nadine pressed the button on the doll. 'Happy Birthday, Nadine. I hope you always happy every single time. And I hope you know that every time I tell you to get home safe, stay warm, have a good day, or sleep well what I am really saying is I love you. I love you so damn much that's starting to steal other words meanings. You'll always be the answer when somebody asks me what I am thingking about. Once again, happy birthday, Nadine. And I love you. "There is a tape of my voice as Nadine pressed the red button on my gift doll I deliberately taped the sentences so that Nadine would always remember me and know my true feelings.

He smiled broadly and shed tears. I'm so happy to see that big smile. But not with that tear.

"Thank you, I am so lucky to have you, Nathan."

Suddenly my breath gasped, my eyes blurry and swirling, my chest pain like there is holding my heart pump. I tried to be calm so as not to spoil my best moment with Nadine. But I can not stand it, I try to hold the pain in my chest with my hand, but the pain does not stop. My vision is getting worse I can barely see Nadine. I heard Nadine's voice vaguely calling my name. Finally I gave up from the pain. My eyesight completely disappeared. I can not see anything. Now my body feels light. I slowly opened my eyes. All I saw was a white cloth around me. Where am I? I can not think much. I closed my eyes again. I feel like I'm flying high right now. I feel like I was flying through the clumped clouds. I'm really at the height of an inch longer going through the sky. But I stopped. I stopped in a cloud. There I saw someone whose face was not very clear. But somehow hearing her voice made me feel peaceful. Makes me want to reach it. The voice called my name over and over again. Then he disappears.

Before long, I woke up from my dream. And when I woke up it was Mom beside me.

"Mom," said the word out of my mouth.

I had not gotten up from bed, Mom hugged me tight, my body slammed into my bed again. Again I made Mom cry. It breaks my heart to see Mom crying like that. Want to feel like I was kicking myself who usually only bother Mom just. Mom just keeps hugging me tight, occasionally kissing my forehead. Mom said nothing. Nor did he scold me as usual. My tears are slowly flowing.

What's wrong with Mom? I asked silently. It stops my heart seeing Mom like that. I pulled both hands. I kissed his hand. I told her I loved her very much. I told her again. I will not leave it.

Then Mom wiped her tears. Slowly Mom lifted her head and looked at me sulkily.

"I'm sorry Mom, Nat."

Mom cried back shook her head as if there is something that worried her. The more my brain is with the questions.

"Mom why?" I asked quietly.

"This is why Mom puts you here Mom does not take care of you alone Mom does not bear to see you hurt Mom does not bear to see you screaming in pain," she said, sobbing.

"You mean Mom?"

"I'm sorry Mom Mom has hidden this to you."

"Tell Mom! What's wrong with me?" I feel panicked at it.

"Nathan is having a heart block Om Chandra told Mom that Nathan had coronary heart disease at low levels There's still a chance to recover, so hurry Mom send your school here to make Om Chandra easy to treat you Nathan who is patient , Mom will definitely do anything to make you well again.Nathan do not worry. "

"But why is it so painful, Mom?"

"Now your illness is at an acute level, but Nathan do not be afraid." Mom and Om Chandra will definitely get Nathan to be healthy again Do not worry, Mom is always there for Nathan. "

Vibrant my heart heard all this. My tongue is out. I can not seem to part from Mom. I do not want to leave Mom alone. Right now I think the earth is stopping spinning, when Mom says my illness is at an acute level. Why not just take my life. After all, if this pain comes again it feels like I'm dead. It hurts my chest.

"Nat, Nathan! Get up!"

It's too easy to open your eyes this morning. The voice was disturbing. I can not help trying to open my eyes that like being hung with iron, it's very heavy. Slowly my eyes open. I thought Mom woke me up. But why did Mom look younger, I mumbled to myself.

Not believing what I saw, I knocked my eyes with my hands. Sure enough, the one who woke me this morning was Nadine. I immediately got up from the bed, hugging her body tightly. I really miss her.

"Do you remember that today is my birthday? Tonight we celebrate again, yes, "Jessy interrupted.

Tonight Nadine invited me to celebrate her birthday again, she said would change her birthday celebration that had failed last year. Hopefully this time my illness did not recur and did not disturb his happiness anymore.

The evening arrived. Like the evening of the previous celebration, the waitress served the food on our table. We talked about many things. Starting from the first experience we met until Nadine's birthday experience that failed because of me. Sad I remember it. Afraid of it being repeated, afraid of my leaving, and fear of my death. My feelings are not clear, chaotic. My throat started crying with tears for remembering Mom's remarks about my illness, remembering everything.

Suddenly Nadine's cell phone rang. She picked up the phone. He spoke to whom, but his face began to worry, began to pale. Tears began to flow. Her lips trembled.

"My grandmother died," she said to me with a sob.

His gaze was empty. Some time later Nadine left me, without saying goodbye and leaving nothing behind.

After he disappeared from my vision, my chest began to ache. The pain can not be described by anything. I hastily picked up my cell phone to ask Mom to pick me up. I'm afraid I can not go home safely if I force myself.

Mom's voice sounded panicky as I called her. My listening began to be disturbed. The pain in my heart made my other organs too distracted. I began to lose consciousness. My phone seems to be falling. I do not know what Mom is thinking when my phone is suddenly cut off. But obviously Mom would be very panicked. I was afraid to happen anything with Mom while on the trip to pick me up. But I can not control myself. My view is black no bit of light I see. My breath is panting, I think I'm dead now.

Slowly I start to wake up. My eyes slowly opened. Blurred my eyesight when I first opened my eyes. There is no one around me. I try to recognize where I am now. I was in the hospital room. But strangely Mom does not exist. There's no way Mom is not looking for me. I saw a man with glasses approaching me.

"Excuse me, are you Mrs. Fea's family?" Asked the bespectacled man.

"Yes, she is my mother, sir. Why with my Mother? "I asked curiously.

"Your mother has an accident. But, thank goodness he was sober. It's just that he suffered blindness. If there is a donor who wants to give her cornea for your mother, she can be saved from blindness. "

"Take my eyes, sir! Take everything my Mother needs. Heart, kidney, or anything else. Do the best for her, sir! Do it! "I asked spontaneously forcing the bespectacled man.

It turns out my heart disease is not worth the pain with my feelings that crumble to hear Mom crash and become blind. I do not want to see her hurt. I do not want her to leave me either. She was the greatest woman in the world I ever had. Always give me the best. Women who never hurt me or disappointed me. I will do anything to keep her alive. I sacrificed my cornea for Mom. I hope he'll be fine and he can see the world again with my eyes.

The donation process will begin. Suddenly my chest hurts again. My breath faltered again. But I had to endure the pain until the doctor gave me an anesthesia. I want the donation process done immediately so Mom can see again soon. I was not strong anymore with the pain I was holding, but luckily the process was already going on. Wish I had stayed alive for long. Stand in front of Mom as her protector. But I seem to have reached the end of my life's journey. I stop at the destiny that has been written for me. Now I feel like flying high up parallel to the clouds. I was hoping to meet again with the woman who called me first when I first got into a coma. I wish that someone would call me and wake me from this dream. I was hoping that when Mom awoke she hugged me again. I promise this time I will reply to Mom's embrace with the warmest hug that I have. But I do not seem to find it anymore. I'm flying higher with a much more peaceful feeling now.

The pain in my heart has disappeared. No more pain that made me cry. Now I feel very comfortable. I flew higher and higher even through the sky. I wonder where I am right now? What is clear is that my place is not a world anymore. I am in a place where I live eternally. I asked Nadine and Mom not to cry for me. Because I will always be there for them even though we do not see each other. Now my body is gone. But my heart is still there hearts of those who sincerely love me. How will I be remembered by them? By Nadine and my dear, Mom.